Vegan No. 1

There's a certain sense
of overwhelming irony
to the modern-day
vegans.

They must use non-GMO soap
gluten-free shampoo,
and fair-trade
toilet paper,

yet they'll shovel
just about any
toxic goo or illicit substance
into their body with little thought.

God forbid
they end up with bread
in their hair while
they fight emphysema at 40.